10 Things That Suck

Gorgeous Hair told me about the people who were lined up to get Halo at midnight. They had one assessment of everything: "Gears of War sucks", "Halo sucks", "Sony sucks".

In honor of many of the same lads now in line at stores around the country, waiting for the stroke of midnight, here are 10 things that suck in games.

1. Bow levels in Ninja Gaiden 2

2. the last boss in God of War 1. Plays like nothing else in the game. To quote Mitch Hedberg, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

3. Open world game design

4. Button Mashing. While hitting the X button super fast is a skill, who cares? It' shitty.

5. The boobs in all Team Ninja games. With so much porn so easily available these days, why the complete ignorance of how breasts look and move?

6. Nazis as villians. Also tall lanky aliens with lots of eyes and large teeth. Did everyone go to the same villain design school?

7. Purple and Green color pallete (Too Human, Halo), like the above, it smacks of a certain person, a certain type of people that keep designing this shit. The kind of guys who think reading vampire novels aloud to women is sexy, and the kind of women who agree.

8. The Wii. I'm serious, have you played yours? Mine's a frigging Blazing Lazers emulator, and that's it.

9. The next hour and 20 minutes until I get my hands on Metal Gear Solid 4

10. My hangover.