A few years back I was at a shooting range. My friend asked if they had the Smith and Wesson .50 caliber.
"That gun's the answer to a question nobody asked." came the reply.
To this day, I love that phrase.
And so we have Playstation's Home.
I didn't get much past creating my "avatar". I tried to create my wife but it became apparent that creating attractive women wasn't in the cards and semi-attractive zombie women's not really my thing, so I switched gears to make myself. I have enough skill and confidence to make good caricatures of myself: harsh but amusing. Nonetheless, I could only manage the bluntest caveman version of myself.
Mostly, Home's character creator is lacking foreheads, or tops of heads specifically. Every hairstyle I tried on both virtual me and virtual wife failed moreso because of the decidedly cro-magnon lack of upper head than because of the wrinkles, dead eyes or awful style choices. We looked too cavman, and this coming from a man who thinks he looks more caveman than the average person.
I effectively gave up on creating me, and went out to explore this amazing new world. I appeared in a highrise apartment on the coast of a digital Saint Tropez. Running out to my porch, excited to jump off the edge and explore I found there was no jump button. My next observation was that my male avatar runs like a beaten child--very compactly.
Run animations are a big thing for me, and I won't get too into it here, but when a person is running they should look two things in videogame land:
1. Healthy
2. Their sex
Women and men run differently and it would behoove many a game maker to notice and master the differences. But anyway, I take my weak running man who can't jump the railing to the front door.
I get a message that to walk out of my apartment I'll have to download an additional 22 megs of whatever.
No thanks.
That's the end of my Home experience.
It's not a game, so doesn't technically merit a rating, but it's terrible enough that I'll give it one.
1 star
edit: I just re-read Gorgeous Hair's review. Haha.
Monday, January 5, 2009
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